I said to myself that I wasn’t going to do a romantic, valentines post this year. However, what better time to talk about getting to know how your partner sees love than now? So, love languages? What are they and why do they matter?
I’ve read about love languages before and, just like personality tests, have always been intrigued to see how we all manage to fit under five different languages. I was watching Carly Rowena’s YouTube video about relationships and she talked about how getting to know each other’s type of love language really helps you communicate love effectively with your partner. So, I thought I'd do some research into one of the most difficult languages to understand. To get started with this I looked into Carly's book recommendation of 'Five Love Languages' by Gary Chapman and now it is definitely on my must read list.
Love languages seems to be the new buzzword used when talking about relationships. However, it is something that relationship experts have been aware of for a while so I think it’s time we all caught up. Here are the five love languages, according to Gary Chapman, broken down.
Words of Affirmation:
“I love you.” “I am so proud of you.” “You look beautiful.” For you, hearing spontaneous, unprovoked compliments speak louder than actions ever could. Hearing encouraging and positive words really cements how your partner feels about you. On the flip side, insults can be destructive and difficult to move on from.
Not necessarily sexual touch. For you there is nothing better than cuddling, holding hands and thoughtful touches. It gives you a strong sense of love and security in the relationship. However, any neglect or abuse in the relationship can be highly damaging and unforgivable.
In a world of social media and technology, getting someone’s full, undivided attention is often hard to come by. For you this quality time, with no phones / tv / other distracting tasks, makes you feel loved and truly special. You feel that you've got a quality connected to your partner. On the flip side, if your partner is distracted or not listening to you it can be incredibly hurtful.
Acts of Service:
Washing the dishes, doing the housework etc. can all be a way of showing love. For you anything that can ease your workload will speak volumes. However, laziness or your partner making more work for you is seen as telling you your feelings don’t matter.
Not a materialistic language. Instead you thrive on the effort and care that has gone into the gift. Something which shows how well you partner knows and loves you. On the flip side of this a missed birthday, the absence of everyday gestures or a thoughtless gift is disastrous in your eyes.
So, which one are you? To make sure you can take the quiz on the love languages website here. I thought I was going to be physical touch as I definitely crave a physical connection, even if it's just holding hands, however I came out slightly higher in the Words of Affirmation which also completely resonates with me.
Being able to understand how your partner sees love is so important because I can bet it’s not the same way you see it. We can’t expect our partners to be mind readers when it comes to love — although that would be good at times. So, learning the language that means the most to them will not only help you connect better but it will also help you to understand why something that you see as a loving gesture might not have the same meaning to your partner.
What do you think of love languages? Do you find understanding both your partner's and your own love language helps you to connect with your partner more easily?